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How To Get Over An Ex-Boyfriend

14 Oct

Although our primary focus on My GLAM Squad is to give you information on fashion and how to look your best, it can be hard to look your best when you’re unhappy with your love life. To help you get the love and respect you deserve we are introducing the Single Fashionistas series. This series will be jam packed with tips on love and finding your future husband. We’re kicking it off with a great article from Terry MacDonald, author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.”

Written by Terry MacDonald

Some women have a knack for bouncing back from a bad breakup. It seems they give themselves a day or two to mourn the loss of the relationship before hitting the dating scene with gusto. Then they never look back. Their motto: Nothing helps you get over the last guy like the next guy.

Unfortunately, many women can’t shake a lost love because they’re unwilling to accept that the relationship is over. They replay old conversations in their heads. They obsess over what they should have done to avoid the breakup. They arrange to bump into the guy and convince him he’s made a mistake. They fantasize about him constantly. They believe that he’s “the one,” and that the relationship was “meant to be.” They fear that if they let go emotionally, they’ll have thrown away their shot at true love.

But, really, it’s holding on emotionally to an old boyfriend that amounts to throwing away true love. Two objects cannot inhabit one space at the same time. Giving an ex free room and board in one’s heart makes it impossible for a new one to move in.

How does a woman get over an ex-boyfriend?

She must make a decision to get over him, and then she needs the discipline to carry it out. She must throw out every material item that reminds her of him. She cannot afford to entertain a single pleasant thought about the relationship. Instead, it helps to write a list of the things he did that drove her crazy (the way he kept sniffling instead of reaching for a tissue, for example, or his habit of using unnecessarily big words) and refer to it often. If a friend brings up his name, it’s imperative that she change the subject. By all means, she should avoid speaking of him at all.

Certain smells (his cologne, or the fragrance of a special food she enjoyed with him) and sounds, particularly music, will bring him back into her head at the most inopportune times. Her best bet is not to remove herself from the triggers, but to immerse herself in them until they no longer remind her of him.
It helps if she hits the social scene often by meeting friends, taking classes, and going to bookstores. If a woman makes a point of meeting new people, she will meet new men. When she meets a guy with potential, it’s critical that she give him a fair chance. Mentally comparing him to her ex is a mistake. She’d have been better off staying home watching Seinfeld reruns.

A woman can get over a lost love, but only if she’s willing. She must consciously block him from her heart and mind. It’s not easy at first, but it does get easier. Once she evicts the guy for good, she can move on to the passion and happiness she deserves.

Terry MacDonald is the happily married author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.” Sign up for free dating tips at http://www.marrysmart.com . Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com

Do you have a tip to share on how you got over an ex-boyfriend? We’d love to hear your suggestions and feedback on the article.

Are you a Real Woman?

29 Jun

While flipping through the most recent issue of Essence Magazine I ran across the lyrics to Real Woman by Ledisi.  A year or two ago I would have read these lyrics and thought, “yeah that’s me!”.  But deep down, in the core of my heart, I’d know the words were far from the truth.  But today, in 2010, I can really, truly, even at the core of my heart, say:

That is me!

And mean it!

Looking in the mirror

Embracing all of me

Never did this before

Took me some time to be

The woman I’ve become

Giving more to myself

Almost lost my soul

Tryna please somebody else

Did Ledisi have a special power that allowed her to see my most inner thoughts? Or is it possible that other women actually go through the same amazing transformation that I have recently.  Is ther a woman reading this post at this very moment that has the same renewed and powerful feeling that I do when she looks into the mirror?  AND whose tired (and done with) putting other people’s feelings before her own?

I continue to read the lyrics (while thinking, “I gotta get this girl’s album”)

All my curves I embrace

Love the color of my skin

So much bigger than that

I love the person within

And I ain’t had no joy

In a while

Can you see it in my smile

Did you notice

That I know this

Sang it girl!! I do embrace my curves, every single one of them. I love the color of my deep mahogany skin, and *drum roll please*…I LOVE THE PERSON WITHIN! Ooo it feels so good to say that! Try it. No seriously, try it!  Say to yourself, out loud, “I love the person within!” Isn’t that a great feeling when you really truly believe it!

If you haven’t gotten to that point in your life don’t worry, you will.  We all have our Ah Ha moment, as Oprah would put it.  Whether you’ve gone through this transformation or not, today I want you to celebrate being you. In the comments below write a note to yourself with one thing that you love about being you.  I’ll go first…

Chineze, I love the compassion you have for others and the fact that you always want to give your all for your friends and loved ones. 

See that wasn’t hard at all…now it’s your turn…